Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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