Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
