Nicole vs. Life
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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