I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
