Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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