This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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