Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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