I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
