At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
