Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
