Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
