this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
