They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
