Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
