All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
