actually, I'm a sock model
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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