; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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