if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Vodka?
Forever.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
