we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
