If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
