I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
