Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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