he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
