Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
