at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
