I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
