Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
