This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
