I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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