had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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