I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I need to calm my uterus...
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