I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
