Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
