Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
