so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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