I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There r osticjed everywhere
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
