Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
