sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
