Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
