worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
