U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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