GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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