why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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