I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
