and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
