I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
