You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
