His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
