Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
