actually, I'm a sock model
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
