Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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