do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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